2.05.2009

#18. Computers.

If God needed a computer, what operating system would he use? What does he use to keep a database? Is the Book of Life digitized? Let's find out. Let's say God was gonna use his tractor beam to yoink a computer from the store. Wait? God's stealing? No, silly. He already has the rights to the computer. He kind of made the elements that were used to build the computer components.

Anyway, let's say there is Apple OS X, Microsoft Windows XP and God also has the option to download Linux from His other heavenly computer and boot it on the new one. Which one would He choose?

Well, not Microsoft Windows. Because PEBCAK happens to often with that. And God is not a problem. That basically rules out Microsoft. It's also a proven fact that God hates Internet Explorer. Look:

23 By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. 24 Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Windows and Internet Explorer—from the LORD out of the heavens. 25 Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land. 26 But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
Genesis 19:23-25

Apparently, this verse also means that once you go Mac you never go back. Unless you want to be a pillar of salt. Which means that horses and cows would be licking you for the rest of your life.

God would buy a Mac. Why? Macs are so cool. Macs don't crash (which means that Macs didn't eat from the tree of knowledge) so God likes them a lot better. Actually. He likes all the computers the same. He just spends more time with the Mac.

God doesn't like Linux either. Why? Because it annoys people. He's not a people, obviously, but I'm sure He doesn't like people freaking out because they crashed their computer trying to install Fedora Core 10.

Sorry this was more of a rant than a post, but I hope it was entertaining.

3 comments:

sherri said...

very clever!

Haagen-dazs said...

haha good work kc

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

Clever little post, KC. Have a great weekend!