#6. Holy Acronyms For The Modern Christian

We all know various text and instant messaging acronyms such as WTF, LOL, BRB and whatnot. We all think we know what they mean, but do we really? Lets find out.

  1. WTF. Worldly meaning: "what the @#$!" Actual meaning: "why the fruit?" Use this phrase at a potluck when someone brings fruit instead of that fried chicken that everyone was anticipating. Best used at a Southern Baptist church. No one eats fruit in the South. Come on, what was that northerner who recently relocated to Georgia thinking? Not about loving others apparently, because if they were thinking about that they would have bought greasy fried foodstuffs.
  2. LOL. Worldly meaning: "laugh out loud" Actual meaning: "love our Lord" This is what you say in the middle of a worship service or when the pastor says something really really really holy in the sermon. Most appropriate tacked onto the end of the last song, right before the guy starts praying. Like this: "LOL!!! LOL!!!" "dear Jesus.... amen" "LOL!!! LOL!!!"
  3. BRB. Worldly meaning: "be right back" Actual meaning: "be really boring" What is said to certain pastors before they go on stage and start preaching. You can tell if this was said to your pastor by how many people in your vicinity are sleeping.
  4. FTW. Worldly meaning: "for the win" Actual meaning: "for the worship" This is how members of the worship team communicate to each other what instruments to use in the worship service. Guitarist: "make sure to bring your upright bass FTW." Bassist: "kk. LOL!!!"
  5. IMHO. Worldly meaning: "in my humble opinion" Actual meaning: "in my holy opinion" This should be used to point out in a non-intrusive manner that you should do something a certain way because it is more holy and Jesus will love you more for doing it that way. i.e. there is a person sitting down reading the Message in place of an actual Bible and scribbling something down in their Jesus journal. Another person, who is clearly more holy than previously mentioned person, walks up to them and says, "I think you should be using the Word of God for your Bible study instead of the word of Eugene Peterson, IMHO. Try this ESV Bible. I just happen to have an extra and it just happens to be in my bag right now, so you can have it."
  6. BBL. Worldly meaning: "be back later" Actual meaning: "bring big labels" If you ever find yourself going on a mission trip with a bunch of legally blind old people, this phrase can be used. In the meeting before the packing party, just tell everyone to "BBL to the packing party" that way when everyone is looking for their suitcase it will say BOB on it in big red letters. A lot bigger than that. Like the size of the nearest piano to where you are sitting.
Anything I left out? Comments por favor.


hannah said...

this is so funny. me gusta. :)

ARamsey said...

Kara, this blog is so ridiculously Christianized that its hurting my brain (and making me laugh). Keep up the good work.

KC said...

I'm thinking this blog is a lot better than the last one. Two things that are huge parts of my life: Jesus and making fun of stuff. That's what this blog is all about.

Haagen-dazs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haagen-dazs said...

i really like this entry, i'll be looking forward to more that are similar to it ;)

KC said...

hey drew what was that comment that was removed?
- KC

wv: comiasa
i cant think of anything it's too early. i guess it could be a brain fart. im having a comiasa.