John Calvin Points

Disclaimer: this is a Calvinist-attracting post, but hopefully you Arminians will get some enjoyment out of it as well.

I think JCPs (John Calvin Points) would best be explained by the 5 W's and the H. Who, What, Where, When, Why, How. Finally, I use something I learned in middle school.

Who: The points are named after John Calvin. He's a reformer, but I assume if you're reading this you are probably like, "why are you telling me this? I learned this at my private Christian school/homeschool/youth group/sermon." but I just gotta make sure.

What: John Calvin Points and John Calvin Demerits (JCDs)

Where: anywhere there are 2 or more Calvinists gathered together

When: anytime. you can give these out at a normal time, or if you're on a retreat or something, you can wake everyone up, and randomly give them JCPs, but they might give you JCDs for waking them up.

Why: Why not?

How: John Calvin Points and John Calvin Demerits follow a very complex system. When you give out points, it is either 1 point, or some random number with at least 2 decimal places. Like this: 23.41 JCPs!!! JCDs subtract from your total number of JCPs. JCDs must always be an integer. For instance, if you have 23.41 JCPs but then you get 2 JCDs you would have 21.41 JCPs. Yes, I expect you to remember your exact number of points. If you get negative JCDs it's like gettting JCPs, because it actually adds to your score. Just like in math when there is two minus signs you add it. Negative JCDs (let's call these NJCPs, the N is for Ninja) must be lacking decimal places and it can be non-random numbers (i.e. 2 or 10). If you give out JCPs that is a prime number you get half that amount added to your own score, but if you think about it then you don't get them.

Here's a little list to help you figure out what gets points and what gets demerits:

1. Reading this blog: 14.26 JCPs

2. Reading the ESV: 12.31 JCPs

3. Reading the NIV: 1 JCD

4. Using The Message in place of an actual Bible in a sermon or Bible study: 500 JCDs (it's gonna be pretty hard to get out of the negatives after this one)

5. Eating all the cookies at your discipleship group: 3 JCDs

6. Baking cookies for your discipleship group: -3 JCDs (you just might get those points back after all)

7. Responding to my facebook chat: 12.43 JCPs

8. Not responding to my facebook chat: 21 JCDs

9. Releasing a worship eagle into the main auditorium: 27.6221 JCPs

10. Commenting on this post: 12.69 JCPs

comments please :D